Ever since my mom left from a recent visit, I've been wallowing in self-pity. I've been emotional, again, about not living near my mom, sisters, grandparents, and good friends. I've been sad about Ethan growing up apart from all the people I dearly love, especially my grandparents who will go be with the Lord sooner than I would like. I wish they could spend more time with Ethan. I wish I could spend more time with them. The holidays were hard for me. Day to day I'm usually pretty happy about being in Austin and championing God's calling for us to live and thrive here. And we are. We love our lives here. It is better than we imagined. It's just the missed family involvement that gets me down sometimes.
But, recently God gently reminded me that I am far from deserving of a pity party. Our church, Grace Covenant, will be welcoming home dozens of missionaries in the upcoming weeks. Some of the missionaries are young families, like ours, who God has asked even more from them than I could imagine yielding to. It's been encouraging to me and helped me to see how grateful I am to only be 3 hours away.
In light of all this, Phil and I have discussed now that Ethan is older and easier to care for (in my opinion) I should make regular trips to Houston by myself with him. I don't know why the 3 hour drive seems insurmountable sometimes, but I am determined to make it happen more often.
I felt like I needed to share this. I feel like I've been posting lately through a 'pity me' lens and I'm repulsed by it. I feel like blogging is taking a back seat to reading, caring for Ethan, working out (yeah we got a Y membership!), and retreat registration for our church. I'm committed to hanging in there. Hope your still reading.
5 comments:
hang in there. I was doing the same thing when I felt trapped because I could not go anywhere, because I am watching another child. I had to look at myself and tell myself that right now this is what I need to be doing and that sacrifice is not a bad thing.
My mom, dad, brother and sister (until just recently) are 3hrs away also...in the Dallas area. I have had those same thoughts many times. I especially thought about it when they were little and it seemed like at each visit, the kids had to get re-familiar with family. But, the older they get, that is not the case. They jump right in with my family, especially my mom, who has invested so much time with them, and they have a great relationship with her. When my kids were done with morning naps, it was so much easier to travel up there to visit too. My mom works so I really can't go up there a lot during the week, but take lots of opportunities to do so in the summer and when Jeremy is out of town on business. It is worth it...so definitely go visit. It is great that Phil is good with you leaving.
I hear you. :) Thanks for sharing.
Considering we are about to move to Hungary (in 2011), this is a feeling I'll soon be able to relate to!
Hey girl! I know it's been a while since I've been active in the blogging world but it was so good to read your blog this afternoon. After the birth of baby number 4 I too had to take a blogging break though I hope to get back at it soon.
Morgan sent me your blog to check out the post you did on slow cooker recipes when I read this entry. Hang in there. I will be sure to lift you up during this season. Know that you are being prayed for.
Also, I wanted to thank you for your transparency...I cannot tell you how refreshing it is. Thanks for sharing your heart as I know so many can relate.
Blessings to you and Phil and little Ethan! Maybe we'll see ya sometime on your next visit! ;-)
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